Sitting here by the Elm tree
I feed myself biscuits and tea
Feel so helpless it can’t be
My soul feels hollow, it’s empty
Mirror, mirror show me, me
What has happened it can’t be
Is it really a piece of reality?
This delusional world lacks clarity
People crying, people dying
Living in prostitution and poverty
Mirrors breaking, hearts too
A fool’s paradise a misery
Spaces places everything colliding
Thought and action at war,
Boundaries merged and non confiding
Everything’s just a blur
Confusion rages and so does anger
Every man for himself
I stand here by the elm tree
Looking on in dismal spell
Curses , blows bombs are falling
Everything going Pell-mell
I stand here I feel dizzy
This horrible sickening smell
The smell of blood on the streets,
There out to klill all
I will be the first victim
For I don’t care anymore
I know this is an abrupt ending
But not everything has to be complete…
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Friday, November 24, 2006
IT HURTS
Its been almost a year now i guess since i started posting , and well over 40 blogs not bad i must say. Well the dams are breaking once again and everything seems to flood .
Well when it comes it really does come in hoards, everything overflowing thoughts, emotions ,beliefs being challenged the only thing that remains is the action, is it the calm before the storm , or is it that all sinews have broken and its the calm of defeat. Questions , when everything is at stake you really wonder wats happening, at times you dont even realise things , you maybe keep them in your unconcious delibarately i think i suffered that one till now. Throughout the day and maybe for days now this thought , this reality has tried to surface in my concious and every second i push it away to dive again in either loads of work or in something else. I have deliberately blanked out my mind, my memory my thought cos it hurts . It hurts. .............It Hurts.
Well and now once again i am fighting my demons , telling myself they are not true when i already know the morning will rudely wake me up to a reality that my concious is not willing to believe.
It could have been better it could have been better , i wish it was better.
Well everything i touch right now sems to be turning to dust i myself feel like it. I just dont want to think i dont want to do anything, i dont want to be alone i dont want to be with anyone , existence hurts . It Hurts.
I know this is not the first time someone has felt like this well there is no comparison . So lets leave it at this. Im having a really bad day.
Functionality retained just emotions drained, flowing flown , emptied
Well when it comes it really does come in hoards, everything overflowing thoughts, emotions ,beliefs being challenged the only thing that remains is the action, is it the calm before the storm , or is it that all sinews have broken and its the calm of defeat. Questions , when everything is at stake you really wonder wats happening, at times you dont even realise things , you maybe keep them in your unconcious delibarately i think i suffered that one till now. Throughout the day and maybe for days now this thought , this reality has tried to surface in my concious and every second i push it away to dive again in either loads of work or in something else. I have deliberately blanked out my mind, my memory my thought cos it hurts . It hurts. .............It Hurts.
Well and now once again i am fighting my demons , telling myself they are not true when i already know the morning will rudely wake me up to a reality that my concious is not willing to believe.
It could have been better it could have been better , i wish it was better.
Well everything i touch right now sems to be turning to dust i myself feel like it. I just dont want to think i dont want to do anything, i dont want to be alone i dont want to be with anyone , existence hurts . It Hurts.
I know this is not the first time someone has felt like this well there is no comparison . So lets leave it at this. Im having a really bad day.
Functionality retained just emotions drained, flowing flown , emptied
Monday, November 06, 2006
Dazed and Confused
Well here I am once again at the door, the door that I long to enter, a door that has eluded me forever. Or is it me who runs away from the door?
Every night I dream of what lies behind. Every morning the dream seem so real that it hurts, that feeling of being there yet not having arrived. Well it lingers throughout the morning that feeling of just about being there, that taste still fresh in the mouth , like the first drop of rain on a warm torrid skin.
Tormented I have been with my own thoughts. The thoughts of tomorrow the thoughts from yesterday, forgotten and forgiven, and yet they boil somewhere within me . Blistering they come to the surface that thing that desire that obsession. It rises as the day passes by . The pain increasing becoming more horrid more intolerable more delirious.
Night falls , and I cant bare it anymore this thought. Crazy, insanity , I always thought I was there and yet I feel now that I was just at its borders and now I travel in theses enchanted forests to be lost forever to be dazed. The night has come the beautiful night the night when the lunatics come out to roam free on the streets. I join them too to be one with them but somehow in the end I never find me.
Confused I walk the streets of faith looking for my own destiny, its a maze, I cant see anymore the haze too thick to see even the back of my hand. I look for her in the shadows but all I find is a dream a dream again I find in her. The Dream of faith.
Dazed and confused for so long its not true, what was I looking for I have forgotten now. So now I search a search unknown , dazed and confused, dazed and confused.....
Every night I dream of what lies behind. Every morning the dream seem so real that it hurts, that feeling of being there yet not having arrived. Well it lingers throughout the morning that feeling of just about being there, that taste still fresh in the mouth , like the first drop of rain on a warm torrid skin.
Tormented I have been with my own thoughts. The thoughts of tomorrow the thoughts from yesterday, forgotten and forgiven, and yet they boil somewhere within me . Blistering they come to the surface that thing that desire that obsession. It rises as the day passes by . The pain increasing becoming more horrid more intolerable more delirious.
Night falls , and I cant bare it anymore this thought. Crazy, insanity , I always thought I was there and yet I feel now that I was just at its borders and now I travel in theses enchanted forests to be lost forever to be dazed. The night has come the beautiful night the night when the lunatics come out to roam free on the streets. I join them too to be one with them but somehow in the end I never find me.
Confused I walk the streets of faith looking for my own destiny, its a maze, I cant see anymore the haze too thick to see even the back of my hand. I look for her in the shadows but all I find is a dream a dream again I find in her. The Dream of faith.
Dazed and confused for so long its not true, what was I looking for I have forgotten now. So now I search a search unknown , dazed and confused, dazed and confused.....
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