ON VACATION

The break in time and space, every few months and every Diwali for sure, thats been ever since i have been in the UK there is this sudden disturbance in existentially which for a period ranging from 2 - 5 days completely distorts my time and space orientation. For this period of time i go into a cocoon in convalesce for all the injustice and injuries suffered in day to day existence, surrounded by family and bound by no schedule life just flows by smooth as silk . Long walks around country roads and green pastures suddenly seems to be my prime vocation and of course watching a good dose of some absolutely crap hindi television. ( to be read as bigg Bosss).

Im on such a journey at present and will be back when my sense of time returns till that time its difficult to write.

Are you prepared for failure

I write with courage borrowed from a strangers quill,
i write with ink thats of a colour alien to me
I raise a question which i might not be prepared to answer myself
Not for it being an unknown entity but rather because its something iv known to well.

Are you prepared for failure, is failure truly a stepping stone to success, or is this a prayer for the meek that every second hander kneels to or says his internal amen to. Well it is an interesting question and evidence shows that success, real success in terms of greatness has come to those that have failed at some point in time, be it Steve Jobs or Thomas Edison or Albert Einstein. But does failure have to be a part of ones legacy, a predisposing component of a successful gene. The answer my friend is blowing in the wind, well maybe its not.

Heres my opinion if it be of any value, i do not believe that failure is the key to success, nor is it preparedness for failure but rather it is the ability to accept failure, to learn its lesson and to move on. I cant really say , what make you accept failure, i cant even say say what prevents you from using the very statement as a shield against the world, or more importantly as a shield against your own consciousness. All i can say is that iv seen it done , if heard it preached though in texts from an age gone by

I don't mean that you sabotage your own plans to create failure just to prove that you are not afraid of failing, but i also say don't hide behind this bravado your half hearted attempts at success and mediocre aspirations. Be honest in your attempt and be true to your cause, but don't let failure be the last point of your journey. Dont let failure take control of your very actions, don't let fear of failure paralyse you into inactivity, aspirations get trimmed at the edges to fit within the box of your fears, let go of the fears and let the aspirations fly.

But this is all quite easily said but so difficult to follow, i know for i live in a world where failure is death. Its a war the heart against the mind, or maybe just the mind against the mind, rationality agains embedded value systems. Being an indian from a simple middle class family iv always lived in the belief of performance as being the ultimate goal. Competition , aspirations , achievement, seem to have been repeated so many times that they form a natural environment to be in. Its fairly easy for me to say that i am enlightened and that i move above it , but honestly every time i have claimed that i wasn't competing wasn't because i wasn't but rather because i wanted to lay the ground for failure. Iv never really had the courage to accept that .


So in conclusion I dont know how to be less afraid of failure , i know that there is a thin line between being able to accept failure and preparing for failure , and the latter is a sure shot trap for the self. But atleast im happy that i know where i stand , atleast im happy that i have accepted what i have and that i can see what i aspire to achieve from this someday. Till then let it be baby steps , let the risks be small till im prepared not for failure but rather for success.

lives we didnt live

This is going to be a quick post and this is to lives that we keep on hold at times to accommodate for lives that we live. Its strange how much change an individual can undergo. The gambler throws his dice for the last time and lives a risk free life. The angry bullish teen of yesteryears who'd throw a fist at the drop of a hat now learns the calm of a monk . Well may be not that perfect the anger still exists somewhere hidden inside.

What I mean is that can one individual change so much for what ever reason it may be, I take pride in what i am and who i am , yet am i willing to change if its required of me.I might be wrong but I think it takes courage to be that man, i think its easier to stay true to your character, its easier to remain firm, but its really difficult to care enough for someone or something to make that change. It takes courage to walk on unfamiliar grounds, to leave routine responses and to be the man/ woman thats required.

I have met people who have made changes to their very being for moments of time , so altered they are that as friends you need to search for newer common grounds of comfort. But is it a permanent change or repression.Are there certain traits that just cant be changed, do we sometimes live a lie just so the the status quo is not altered and do we believe in that lie with enough conviction so as to fool even our conscious. Are certain ways of being etched in our systems from birth or maybe through our early learning which can just be repressed , or maybe forgotten for some moments of time,

Change for me has always been a forced entity , a response to survive or to run away from boredom, however i think i see patterns of progression and regression along this path of change , and then i wonder is it regression to instinctual ways of being or do i progress to them. And then it makes me further question what was the real me the one that existed in the moment before the change or the one thats post it because the changes themselves seem quite repetitive. So while i keep one life on hold to create another one i wonder which life is real,

Thats a sure mess isn't it , well think about it and if you have some answers do let me know

How a Russian taught me to be patient and FB bullied its way in

Iv just been wondering over the past few days what life's turned out to be and what it was some years ago. No this is not going to be a post about reminiscence or glories of the past. As Ozzy says
"Don't tell me stories, cause yesterdays glories
have gone away, so far away"

Well so here goes life's been tough im working my ass off for below par wages. Though to be honest im happy , i see an opportunity and well its up to me how i make it or break it , at least i control it. And it does feel good to get those Neurons working again and i can almost feel the fat in my brain melt. I am not the only one facing this, in conversation with my Russian friend with really long pretty legs (whos broke like me) she in her thick Russian accent "Shash its good to see the bad times, its important to see the bad times , then only you value the good times." Me "fuck off id rather have the good times all the time and be indifferent" well maybe not not really how the conversation went. Im a really nice person unless you have just woken me up or have found me in a really bad mood , so i (plus this is a pretty girl) " yes completely , we will get over it and when you make that money you can take me out for dinner to a nice place." (MOOCHER well to be hones she bums ciggs from me and here thats like gold dust )

So here goes ozzy again
"Iv heard it said, theres a light up ahead
Lord i hope and pray , that im here to stay"

Just in case you thought i was desperate to stay here thats not it, what i meant through ozzy was that i stay in this world long enough to see that light , to see those good times.

Ok so thats that I was thinking of writing this post for a bit now , but then procrastination .......well ill probably write the rest later.

.... Just kidding ..........though messes me up more often than i like (for someone called procrastination its an active lil bugger ain't it ) . Well so anyway as i reclined down to type this in i was having an entirely different conversation with myself but some how i had this conversation somewhere in the convoluted recesses of my mind, and it just resurfaced .

So coming to the other thought i was just going through Face Book the lifeline of many , the very soul and blood of many a techie, socialite, teen, anyone. Its funny how people all of a sudden have so much to say , so much to share and that too with random acquaintances and some strangers too depending on how tightly you monitor your friends requests.

I mean random people sharing pictures, commenting on pictures, making statements giving opinions so on and so forth. I can understand that there could be a certain need and internal desire for attention (after all i do keep this blog open to public and quite enjoy getting a new hit) , or simply need a safety valve for emotions , like when ur happy or your angry or even excited about something. But giving out Gyaan in bite sized chewable pieces, where does that come from ,is that an inborn thing , do certain people have that one FB gene in them. I don't know , but i just want to understand.

Its also a generational thing iv seen people younger than me ( sadly that statement is becoming more relevant and is being used more often nowadays) adapting to it and adopting it much better. They can find things to say , i simply don't have much to say on FB unless its really something i appreciate or that moves me. I mean id still rather say a hi on IM or over the phone then on FB. Yes its convenient but its so damn open .

From a business point of view i completely understand the relevance of social media , its like showcasing your knowledge your skills your products and connecting with your community , i can so get that but on a personal level i think i just cant get why and how people have as much to say as they have. Anyway thats that on FB.

I know that was quite random but it was something that was just there

As i type this in its almost three , its time to hit the sac, so good bye , and have a great weekend. Ill try and post something in every week , its not a promise to you or myself but ill try .


Just for you heres the Lyrics of the first verse and chorus to the song , if you want more go get it yourself.

Standing on the crossroads, world spinning round and round
Know which way I'm going, you can't bring me down
Don't you try and teach me no original sin
I don't need your pity for the shape I'm in

I don't wanna change the world
I don't want the world to change me
I don't want to change the world
I don't want the world to change me

Nice isn't it