Its been almost a year now i guess since i started posting , and well over 40 blogs not bad i must say. Well the dams are breaking once again and everything seems to flood .
Well when it comes it really does come in hoards, everything overflowing thoughts, emotions ,beliefs being challenged the only thing that remains is the action, is it the calm before the storm , or is it that all sinews have broken and its the calm of defeat. Questions , when everything is at stake you really wonder wats happening, at times you dont even realise things , you maybe keep them in your unconcious delibarately i think i suffered that one till now. Throughout the day and maybe for days now this thought , this reality has tried to surface in my concious and every second i push it away to dive again in either loads of work or in something else. I have deliberately blanked out my mind, my memory my thought cos it hurts . It hurts. .............It Hurts.
Well and now once again i am fighting my demons , telling myself they are not true when i already know the morning will rudely wake me up to a reality that my concious is not willing to believe.
It could have been better it could have been better , i wish it was better.
Well everything i touch right now sems to be turning to dust i myself feel like it. I just dont want to think i dont want to do anything, i dont want to be alone i dont want to be with anyone , existence hurts . It Hurts.
I know this is not the first time someone has felt like this well there is no comparison . So lets leave it at this. Im having a really bad day.
Functionality retained just emotions drained, flowing flown , emptied
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