BULL SHIT

Days have passed , ideas have developed and they have been destroyed even before their conception , I wonder if they felt a thing .

The world has aged and yet I don't feel the difference its like time is stuck, I mean it could be Monday forever what a horrible thought for the working class. Well time they say has passed yet I don't feel any wiser , yes the physical decay might have been yet the spirit hasn't changed. Its still in the state of constant disarray, searching for peace, ahh peace a thing of the past. Beautiful memories , tied with ribbons of gold and shut in Shoe boxes to be opened whenever alone, just for those secrect moments of desired misery.

What a torment it is , I mean yes those days were bloody good, filled with fun and frolic , with no care in the world. How has it changed I wonder in actuality not much to tell you the truth the only difference is that the people of the past are not there and the future doesn't seem right.

Well you open the shoe box take a look, smile and then this sensation of such devastation conquers you that for a second you are left breathless, it is over those are gone it was the past , it cant be lived again.

Well the past was the past iv learnt not to look at it too much and to live more in the present after all its more in, more happening. Actually I think Im gonna forget the past soon with only a few memories scattered here and there life sunny meadows in a dark forest. But the road for me is blank and I can choose the colors I wanna fill in as i walk along.

I know this is not like the writings of the past not enough sarcasm I guess , but what can I say its Christmas, so merry Christmas to all

Pain and Boredom, the inside story

Today was a special day today is my day of indulgence. I plan to be reborn tomorrow fitter and healthier, I hope I could begin all over again, its not that my life is in a complete mess, but somehow there are too many things going out of hand, its the desire to be in control that's killing me.

Nice beginning huh you might thing something interesting is going to come up. Well tintilating but not satisfying that is where all of us falter that's what we are always running for, something which we can just touch, that's the thing we wanna grab.


I don't know somehow whenever I sit in front of the computer , specially with my blog open, something explodes inside, and thoughts begin to flow not in order always and I never pen down what I want to say.

Wonder why human beings find this excrutiating desire to punish themselves, I mean life's going good atlest as good as it gets, and yet one fine day you take this stupid decision that all is not good and you got take control, and then you start punishing yourself, no more late nights, no more beers, no more burgers, no seeing boyfriend, no sex so on and so forth. I wonder if its the moral police at work, or weather its that desire for pain .

The pain factor , every one wants it just a bit sometime or the other in his/her life , just to test how much he or she can bear it. To see the limits to see the pleasure in it. Well i know by now 99% of the population must be thinking im a sadist, well arnt u too, to some extent.

I mean sometimes you will have the cash in your pocket and not that you cant spend it , yet youll decide to walk that distance home just to check if you still can , you might be on a date things are getting hot and yet you will resist, just to test when the sinews of will will break.

Well i plan to go away from the pleasures similarly just for a bit to test myself to get that beautifull pain that i desire so badly as of now.

Another thing is boredom i think that desire for pain stems out of boredom youv been living this single kind of existence and it does not satisfy you, truly speaking i dont think anything will ever satisfy me, cos after the novelty is gone so am i. Well anyway to continue, ya so things are routine and there is boredome coming in , you think i wanna break free and so you decide tomorrow everything will change and ill do as i want , or completely the opposite, well for some people this change comes in smaller doses of small changes and inconveniences, i think for me its always been in sudden spurts of comlete diversities. The evil and good as you may call it. im life a crazy ball bouncing between the two walls, you get the drift.

just a book

Back again , its been long since iv written hasnt it, read a book made me think , let me share the ponderings with you. Life is good normally, i mean yes people do live in misery and all, but the thing is life kinda sorts itself out, yes you might not have money at present to spend , but you have enough to exist, to scrape, to survive. Yet so many perish do they choose to give up or is it misery that kills them without their permission.

I think every one wants to live and any sort of life without change can be a misery. So it is misery that kills i guess. A guy born to the gutter , would want a house a job , some money for a vacation. Every man born to a middle class family with bourgionies mentality, would want to do something different , to get away from his daily wages, to live the life of class , a bigger house to roam in big cars and so on. What do the rich kids want i really havnt got a clue. I guess when ur up there u wanna run away from it all, to do something which is more mediocre. Yes you do enjoy the new ferari standing in the poarch, but i guess you still want something from life which is amiss.


Enough of this philosophy i think im going round in circles once again.

Well this book was bout one such guy, who was quite poor livin in a hole for a place and how he chose to be different, i wont call it a success story, but neither can i call it a failure. Well he was livin poorly, but he had enough to him to scrape through, he could work and make some money. Well he stopped working he chosae to make himself miserable, we all choose to become miserable sometimes just to bring out a change iv seen it happen to myself. You are confortable with a position yet you want a change, actually the truth is u are uncomfortable but , you dont have the balls to make the change. So you buy time and become more miserable in your otherwise ok position by neglect,by choice. All this is done just to cause that change, you mentally prepare yourself for it, think bout it. Till Finally you do make that change, and if this fails too then you are a coward and you will remain miserable.
There are some people who are more hasty about their decisions and their choices , well im not such so i cant really say but i think they either lack foresight, or they lack the patience to see a thing through. Sometimes its the geniuouses who act like this , but the problem is you miss out the endless night that is spent burnin midnight oil just to think bout the situation, Well they have made their decision judging and weighing their pros and cons only it dosent show. Well tje other sorts are emotional decision makers and its their heart which makes the choice with no brain involved. Which one is a better way of thinking im not sure, but let us continue.

So this guy hes a serious thinker he lies awake many sleepless nights planning to become rich quick. He chooses his subject and action and even the weapon with complete plannin. He wants to kill this old woman for some cash. Shes a pawnbroker who is takin other peoples things and payimng them pittance for it. But the economy of the country helps her so she thrives.

He unconciously plans her murder and even commits it but as soon as the deed is done the plan goes down the drain ,. he didnt latch the door when he committed the murder, and this led to a second murder completely unplanned, of an innocent women , miserable like him. ... to be continued in next session gotta go now.

Intellectual Exhibitioner

Here we go once again , I think this is becoming an addiction anytime I get I sit on the stupid computer and start typin away. He he I think I like seein myself on the screen after all every bit that I write exposes a bit of me I wonder if someone reading this thing would actually know me, I mean a complete stranger, would he or she really know me.

Well we will let the question hang in the air for a bit, let it dry out till it finds a solution to itself. Now I wonder if someone comes up to me , I mean through the comments and says well dude I know u ur the one whose completely insane, what would I say to him, Fuck you man go to hell , well I don't think so id probably say u right man , completely but u no better than me dude after all u bloody checkin the blog aren't you.
I guess im the exhibitionist and he/ she the voyeur, completely intellectually though , no peeps this no invitation for you to come into my livin room , intellectually remember.


Huh I think that's enough for the day what says you.

A Star is Born

Well its been so long that iv Posted something on this Blog that I almost couldnt access the bloody thing. Well that kinda shows off my Competence in Technology or the coplete lack of it dosent it.

Iv come from a long vacation exactly five days, thats almost like a month in working mans terms . It has been refreshing and yet iv never felt more tired in my life. Stupid Indian transport, and stupid middle class mentality , leads to tired journeying into workin stratospheres in stupid busses driven by completely insane drivers suffering from severe road rage.

I realise iv come back to the working atmosphere as i see ppl crib around me bout little things of work. Well i also see that i havnt fit in as of yet , im still kinda enjoying the little bit of work that i do, or maybew thats why i havent joined them as of yet

Sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do, no matter how bloody scared he is of the whole thing. I gave you a taste of it , before and well now ull have some more of it, yes sweet things im talking bout the bloody battle of the Landlord of the Rings. Im back again and this time with a will to survive. well actually i have a bit of preperation time, that is mental preperation, as im goin to mumbai for a bit . But promise you all that as soon as i come back a new star will be born, please do log in to join me next time in the s. ha ha ha i like being melodramatic dont i

Lets Dance

Well felt like writing once again this time without a theme or a subject just bout confusion. Well the truth about it all is that no one will ever know the truth about it all. Right now im not even able to tell what is living life to the fullest that is truthfully, without lying to myself. Then how will i ever live it,

Is it standing on a beach looking at the waves, or is it playing a good game of basketball, or maybe just shooting a few hoops, what bout sittin with old friends guzzling down tons of beer over a joint and some insane conversation , what bout that peacefull cigarettee smoked in the middle of chaos sitting on the pavement just lookin at the world go by, what bout the gravell piles where tombs of old friends and beautifull memmories are left behind. What bout the long nites spent with restles stars , long drives, contemplation, meeting new interesting ppl. Quality time spent with the family, the mothers hug and the fathers scolding well for guys atleast. That first sip of Vodka that lingers on your tounge, and the last drag of a cigarette .

Well you know what its all this and more,
all you need to do is explore,
ya you gotta ebrace certain things and give up some,
but sweetheart dont ever say there are things you havent done
You dont have to move to fly,
just keep and open mind
Life is a beauty you have to take the chance
Cumon sweet darling its time to dance.

Landlord of the rings

Well iv decided to write something out of my lukewarm insipid existence, actually a lot can happen over coffee as the Barista dudes say so u never know. Right now im hunting for a house nothing else just want an upgrade on the system. My present one is quite ok but its a bit barren so im lookin for something a bit more furnished.

Well I have been through an agent and it kinda feels like being thrown to the Piranahs where they nibble at you and you realise they r kinda biting you somewhere but you dont realise where they do the sweet talk to win u over but every minute they judge you and sniff you like hounds how much money how much is he worth, what can i get out of him. Its an interesting experience for those of you who haven't encountered it as of yet.

Then ofcourse there are these owners making false promises of a heavenly abode, 24 hours electricity dear sir 24hours water. But that will cost you a little more. oh so u want a bed with it huh, or oh don't worry the door will be put in within 2 days. Nice traps they set for you. And then there are the simple ones who simply say well I know there's a bit of water in the walls (Damp) but then this wasn't constructed very well . well interesting a straightforward approach so u cant complain later on.

And of course there are those sweet aunts who tell u u can stay but please don't come in late , huh I feel like laughing then.


Well that was a page from my life for those who read it thank you and for those who don't go ta Hell as if I care.

Teaching

Lifes a strange event, i wonder actually whether its an event or a process i guess it all depends on the way you look at it. I mean if you look at it from a magnanamous point of view , a romantic point of view it would be an event i mean so many events occur so many lifes are kindled and extinguished, they might be beautifull but its just an event. If you look at it though from a rationalists point of view, Classical point of view putting focus on every miniscule detail it would be a whole process.

What way do you choose to look at it .

Creation and all

They say he created Adam and then there was Eve from his rib , and then there was the tree that bore the fruit of knowledge and then there was the trickery of god into banishing man to Earth just to show him punishment.

I Wonder then where did the angles come from and lucifer the bad one, and i wonder if he had already been banished to hell then wat was the need for a rerun of the same old show. Hadnt god already proved his might before.

Humans make mistakes but gods can cover them up pretty well . A few generations down the line. The earths pretty messed up, humans being imperfect are living as they feel like.Gods not happy, so what does he do covers up his mistake by drowning the bloody world, Noha existed didnt he, imagine making a mess in office and then covering it up by drowning the Boss and colleagues. interesting isnt it, pretty tempting too hahaha

Welcome to the Jungle

Sittin here in the office on a day that im free man my world has shrunk to a pit of tar where I swim, and no matter how hard I try, I get nowhere.

Wats it bout? Where am I headed? Questions unanswered .

Within beauty there is ugliness and within ugliness there is beauty . But to me there is no basic ugliness or any beauty all there is,is a shade of grey indistinctive and untouchable, lukewarm and insipid.

Lucid dreams I want in hues of reds, whites and Black, ah beautiful black the color of night, when beasts come out and roam in the streets . Welcome to the Jungle.