Today was a special day today is my day of indulgence. I plan to be reborn tomorrow fitter and healthier, I hope I could begin all over again, its not that my life is in a complete mess, but somehow there are too many things going out of hand, its the desire to be in control that's killing me.
Nice beginning huh you might thing something interesting is going to come up. Well tintilating but not satisfying that is where all of us falter that's what we are always running for, something which we can just touch, that's the thing we wanna grab.
I don't know somehow whenever I sit in front of the computer , specially with my blog open, something explodes inside, and thoughts begin to flow not in order always and I never pen down what I want to say.
Wonder why human beings find this excrutiating desire to punish themselves, I mean life's going good atlest as good as it gets, and yet one fine day you take this stupid decision that all is not good and you got take control, and then you start punishing yourself, no more late nights, no more beers, no more burgers, no seeing boyfriend, no sex so on and so forth. I wonder if its the moral police at work, or weather its that desire for pain .
The pain factor , every one wants it just a bit sometime or the other in his/her life , just to test how much he or she can bear it. To see the limits to see the pleasure in it. Well i know by now 99% of the population must be thinking im a sadist, well arnt u too, to some extent.
I mean sometimes you will have the cash in your pocket and not that you cant spend it , yet youll decide to walk that distance home just to check if you still can , you might be on a date things are getting hot and yet you will resist, just to test when the sinews of will will break.
Well i plan to go away from the pleasures similarly just for a bit to test myself to get that beautifull pain that i desire so badly as of now.
Another thing is boredom i think that desire for pain stems out of boredom youv been living this single kind of existence and it does not satisfy you, truly speaking i dont think anything will ever satisfy me, cos after the novelty is gone so am i. Well anyway to continue, ya so things are routine and there is boredome coming in , you think i wanna break free and so you decide tomorrow everything will change and ill do as i want , or completely the opposite, well for some people this change comes in smaller doses of small changes and inconveniences, i think for me its always been in sudden spurts of comlete diversities. The evil and good as you may call it. im life a crazy ball bouncing between the two walls, you get the drift.
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