takin stock

Sometimes , one needs to take stock of ones life, though the real need to do so is very often, sadly man in is buisy schedule forgets bout this, yes he does remember what he has achieved but he looses track of what all he has lost, unless one find day he wakes up and sees a stranger in the mirror, the face is the same but the composition the thoughts are someone else’s, and he then misses what is not there now which was once his, what was once him, and which now he cant even remember.

I don’t want to be that man, yet I think I have crossed the fine line already the line separating sanity and insanity. Though the sad part is that the transition has been actually a rational one. I have moved away from the reams of insanity which was once so natural, so much mine into this never land of people with blurred faces and indistinguishable sounds that talk to me all the time. The voices in my head at least disturbed me when I wanted them too and they always had something interesting if not practical to say. Now the voices say things that I cant decipher and what I cant follow, and thus I become immobile, kinda stuck in this deep swamp of people lost in what is right and what is wrong, im not the judge anymore.

Its kind of strange that at times when its most required the ability of decision making completely abandons a man, but the sense is still there its just that I don’t trust myself anymore cos I know im not mad enough.

But then isn’t everybody a bit batty, and if its like that then no one is cos after all not everyone can be mad, or am I the only sane one in this insane world striving to survive against a tide which sometimes drowns me and at other times is even too shallow to wash my feet in.

The drowning would have been good at least it would mean an end, however its just a choking feeling like being under water, and then when ur too tired to struggle against it when uv given up there is a bit of an undercurrent and then you get a breath and the struggle begins once again.
I think when im happy I write these kind of thoughts and when the feeling of drowning arises I look for humour in it , I know that at another time in another world this same tide would be just a layer of froth on my feet. When im on top I take stock and then when im down I just laugh at it.