Its really been ages since i wrote. Iv had loads to say over these days , but have been studying , well a lie , actually I haven't had the net for a bit now. So there it is i type once again. Here's how my life's been:
Its been a strange time , a time all alone yet not lonely , its been a time that i have tried studying for the Gmat and failed miserably at , well I think Iv had too much of it now, i just want to get it over with , and to tell u the truth I'm shit scared, but i guess that's alright too.
Its not the Gmat that really gets me here , its these restless times , i realise that over this time iv had too many thoughts and have done too much unconscious introspection. Not that it clears everything for me, or I have a better insight into the future, it just muddles it up a bit more.
Here are a few of the things that I have realised:
1) Age : well this is a strange question , how it catches up or rather seems like its catching up is amazing, not that iv gotten grey hair or back pain or any other tell tale sign of age , its just that i feel older , mature maybe but older definitely . The way I think , the things i do , the pace i live in all reflects it , and I wonder , how better it was .....
2) Love : well the simplest way to state it is that the illusions died , and reality surfaces, love at one time was something to be shared in multiples , I mean if i were to fantasize it would be in multiples , maybe not at the same time , but it was more about experiencing , and waiting for the right person, so on and so forth, well i think somewhere down the line that's all bull that we cover our eyes with. Now if i were to fantasize its more about one single person , maybe even children and well family. Some how the glamour and glitter of it has vanished, yes the romance of life stays , but the shinny bits have been trimmed. I think i like it better this way.
3) Work : I don't really know its not a question of not doin it ,works important and i realise at times how much I love it . But you know what i don't know why desire to teach it to someone is very strong , within me . i have strange ways of doing it though , but there is something to it . I would like at some point in life to be a teacher. But before that i think i need to be a student for a little more time.
4) God: he exists where only god knows , for what purpose i have no clue , but he is there somewhere. I cant really say i have much faith in him , but i know that i am scared of him.
5) Family : as of yet a set of parents for whom I'm a grown up now and a sister who's a little too rational and clear in mind. It seems like there s no one too really connect with now. I been hogwash my parents eyes till date , I'm studying hard I'm working hard and the whole lot of that , i think i do it to myself too at times . I'm tired of it now. I think iv lost touch with my parents of late , i really did connect with them while I was in Simla , but now that seems like a distant dream. I guess its just the. Id say with my dad I have connected well , and its him that i really enjoy talking too in our Sunday conversations. With mom i think she likes the television over me cant blame her for that.
Coming to the sister , as most of my friends know , when I'm not there there is very little that you'd know of me through me, and i guess its similar for my sister too, i haven't really kept too much in touch , id say . But yaa i think wer good at small talk.
6) Friends: Confusing most of the times the love hate relationship i have with my friends. There are a few who remain untouched by this and mostly on the love side , but there are a few that iv really hated at some point in life . I guess I'm closer to the people i hate , or rather spent more time with them . But they are all wonderful , different flavours , different colors , different lives and yet there all mine. hahaha
I thinks that's enough for today , wish me luck for the Gmat i need it , and well at least for starters iv gotten my passport.
No comments:
Post a Comment