learn it Firo - B

These have been good days , there seems to be some sort of order to life , for how long though that's not sure. The gyms there though not as regularly as id like it to be, but I'm not complaining. The works fine interesting workshop happened which of course now is over, but theres the teaching bit, and then the creatives, i guess i get a chance to be more creative about it now. And well homes not really biting.

Actually i think there might have been a slight change within myself, I realised that in the rush to finish the jobs pending , the MBA stuff and all of that , i had kinda stopped taking life on. I had become a mechanical being just going through the motions of life, guess it happens to most of us .

But then this workshop was quite interesting , not that it taught me something new it just made me understand why I was behaving the way I was behaving. But anyways we will not get into the details of it , but life seems sweeter than before, and my decisions seem more mature all of a sudden.
So here are some of the basics that i knew and seem to have forgotten , or these are the new behaviours that i have imbibed which don't seem to be helping me:
1) Trust , i think i have been let down a few times ( this is completely professional), and over these small breaks in trust , i have stopped believing in people , until i really am close to them , and maybe not even that , basically crux of the story independence jindabad, but the truth is that in reality , that might not be something i want , i want more in life but i am just not asking people for it, nor allowing them to give it to me..
2) Busy - in actuality i might not be as busy as i act , its just that i like my space quite a bit and so i tend to take cover of making myself busy all the time so that i don't rally have to communicate with every one all the time.
3) Time alone- i need doses of this and again in the middle of work , i completely have stopped spending quality time with myself, this could also be because i don't really want to think too much. Also because i do tend to take on more than i can handle at one time in my plate.
4) Control - I am not a control freak , as i usually believe , in actuality i seem to be pretty good with the control thing , except for the fact that i don't like taking orders from every one , but then that ain't that bad. Its again the lack of trust which makes me brash.
5) Affection - i am a slightly cold person , now but that's not the way i was nor the way that i have to be , i guess ill get there too. Basically i guess I'm modeled somewhere or rather have modeled myself as the basic tough guy who doesn't cry and doesn't need help and doesn't show emotions etc etc, I don't really think i began like this in college , but over a period of time , works made me become like this, or rather this is the way i have decided to deal with it. More importantly i actually like quite a few people quite a bit , and for some strange reason i just cant tell them that , i think appreciation is definitely something i have to build into my system.
Ok enough for now , or id rant for the rest of my life , lets see how it works , if i can forgive the world for the injustice i think it has done to me and more importantly if i can just cut a bit on the ego.