Fear

iving is a bit like being in a washing machine , you get tumbled around and spun and squeezed , you meet others who are going through the same thing , you are enhanced by the experience at times others leave impressions on you and in the end you are hung out to dry . and then the cycle begins yet once again

I guess this is a perception which might differ and it may indeed be different for different people , but I feel that as we grow older we fear more and we fear deeply with like more passion and belief.

I guess when we are children the fears are mostly irrational , i mean its about the darkness or about ghosts inanimate objects or minor obstacles things like that , but as we grow older i think the fears are more real and plausible, fear of failure, loneliness, helplessness, rejection. I mean what are the chances that the monsters under ones bed would actually devour him but its quite likely that you could get fired, could get old and could die.

Another reason i feel fears seem so real and claustrophobic as we grow up is that we at the same time also experience the passage the time, the burden of expectations increases be it from oneself or from the society. I mean who gives a shite when ones a child. But as you grow up its important to have that self worth of what ones achieved. That feeling of having conquered having lived and this just increases the fear.

And the fear makes one paralyzed , limited n movement, constricted and contoured by the limitations of ones own fear, and then even one step outside the context created is fear itself.

Well thats my perception of it , to what degree i live by this is debatable, but i know that i am affected by it , the fear of mediocrity, the fear of not living up the fear of failure and rejection.

Though if you take it a step deeper these fears no matter how real they appear are actually just constructs of society and self and can be actually self triggered and similarly monitored and controlled. To learn how to do that would be the ultimate learning in life. To learn how to respond and be unaffected by the fear of something. Everyday we function within it .

For intellectual discussion lets try and deconstruct one of my fears lets say the fear of mediocrity , is mediocrity not a relative term , and for that matter of fact how could one define it. Is happiness and mediocrity linked in reality. Is mediocrity not in my control , i mean would mediocrity be living a life of normalcy , working marrying ,bearing children , taking loans , building a small house earning a relatively average or maybe even below average wage, would that kill or destroy me . Or would it be the notion of me thinking that im mediocre. It could very well be that mediocrity suits me and i am happier living that life. How can one say without actually experiencing it. Is going to a brothel a bad experience, or is it just an experience which is tainted by whats constructed around it . Are values definitive. Should values be altered. is life about experiencing it or fearing every step and being unhappy .

When one thinks of it in this manner how bad can it get , the fear itself dies not seem to be a fear and one can actually even find humor in it , but then for me some days are good and some bad , some days im scared and others im brave. Id like to be brave more often , but i had never really thought bout it in recent days i have and the answers seem simple and worth experimenting with .

So to life then