Random thoughts is this normal

Its but natural that when your day passes in no concrete, productive, well maybe thats the wrong word lets say purposeful or more like habitual , binding or consistent occupation the mind will wander. It could be trivial things or maybe some substantial current situation but it just amazes me the amount of random nonsensicle thoughts that rise in my head.

Here is a cross-section of some of the thoughts i have had recently

1) The case of the stuffed bear - Is it normal for a 27 odd year old woman to still get excited about a new acquisition for her soft toy collection. Recently i came across a FB update with a picture and all from an acquaintance about her new possession, which happens to be a cuddly soft toy of the bear variety. Now is this something that you would first of all like to acquire, secondly get excited about and lastly would announce about to the whole world through FB. Maybe its just me but really is this what reality is all about. I remember gifting my girlfriends from the past stuff like that and them getting all excited about it but we were younger then and well it was all personal and stuff. You didnt click pictures with it and put them up on public domain for exhibition. But then neither was their Fb at that time. i cant quite understand why it should get stuck in my radar, its not even something that really bothers me but it just is something that gets stuck in my head.


2) The journey without destination - this is a recent thought, its not cos Stinks (a friend of mine) was out travelling randomly making her plans on the fly, cos after all there was some method to this madness and a destination in mind even if it were selected throwing a dart on the map. This thought was the bastard of something she gave me a random book, which as such i wouldnt have picked up. Its called "the heart is a lonely hunter" and its a celebrated and acclaimed piece of work by this American author called Carson McCullers. I wouldn't really delve into the details of the plot, but its just that as soon as i finished reading the book all i felt was disappointment and discontent. I think i should have figured that one out from the title of the book, but then as they say you cant judge a book by its covers, those fuckers lie ofcourse. Anyways its not that the ending was sad and disappointing, that could be acceptable, it was just that i felt it was so insipid and normal, neither spectacularly happy nor reverently vile, but rather just luke warm and bourgeois. I read it and then sat there thinking what a waste of time, but then i thought sometimes its good to waste time and sometimes things are done for no particular reason, like this book the way it was written and why it was read. And as i sit here thinking about it theres something about the simple nontheatrical ending which does appeal to me. Its weird how certain things things take time to sink in and similarly how certain journey are embarked upon for no particular reason at all.

Well i have had some othr thoughts too though fleeting that of ambition and desire and the gap between them and their achievement, about love and companionship and the need or societal demand for it. but maybe that will be for some other day lets just finish this one here.

Been buisy with what

At times its quite difficult to understand let alone explain whats keeping me buisy nowadays. This entire phase of non-directional restlessness, of purposeless existence.

Just to give you some perspective, Its been almost 5 months now since i left my last job. Initially it was nice to be free once again to be able to spend time with family, and then there was no serious commitment as i was anyways planning to come back to India.Now its been almost three months that i have been in India and well just over two months that i have been actively seeking a job , and well nothing really seems to be happening, its a bit frustrating i must say . I guess thats the gripe of the unemployed anywhere. But knowing that other people might be going through a similar phase isn't really comforting.

Well thats that But whats even weirder is that even though i am actively not involved in any productive activity, however its really difficult to make time for things other than those which currently occupy my time. For example making adequate number of applications, or posting on this blog or actively compiling my thoughts so that maybe someday i could actually author some sort of literary blunder. I dont freaking have the time.

So now you might ask what exactly are u into nowadays , well honestly not much, i jog , i like to go for a walk, i watch a little bit of television, and well i read a bit and lastly i sleep and yeah i eat. So now you might ask what the fuck is it that prevents you from doing anything else or balancing this stupid schedule out, specially now that you have the full 24 hrs to do all. Even if i spent equal time on all these activities i still could manage an even spread of 4 hrs each. And no im not on dope so i dont bloody eat for 4 hrs yet.

Its difficult to explain but there is something almost ritualistic in the way i exist currently. However there was recently a break in this existence as Stinks managed to somehow make her way all the way up to Simla. That was fun its nice meeting friends after ages, a bit awkward initially specially if you are seeing them at fucking 5 in the morning, and specially since stinks no longer has short hair but rather long dreadlocks which made me call her stinkie baba and well made it difficult initially to relate to her. Strange how things effect you, but then as time passed it was fun. Cant really say it was the same as it once was the context wasn't quite right there wasn't a karan or neeti, or anoopie or a serra around and probably the way we think behave and react has changed a bit over time. But it was still nice having a beer and grabbing a smoke over a conversation or sometimes even silence at the misty rooftops of simla, or being trapped in a stupid rain shelter with some school kids. It was a nice break though honestly i think i couldnt have taken too much more of it. Its difficult for me to exist without this personal space and its almost impossible to create one when your friends down alone specially to meet you. Delhi was so much more fun to meet-up for a bit, though the evening ultimately died and the stupid Yeti Thali was impossible to consume, but none the less the evening was great before it was killed. Delhi was hot sticky and the interview i had gone to give there was shite, and i couldnt meet up with Dr. love or Mrs. Dr. Love, the grub was mostly overrated and yet i pigged out, however somehow meeting up with stinks and her sis made up for most of the things that didnt go my way.

So im back now the routines still not back the job applications continue but not at the pace id like them to progress at , everything else (the jogs, the walk and the non smoking) is still a mess and yet again i find it difficult to find time to gather my thoughts though atleast i have posted on this blog once again.