Lifes the strangest of misteries isnt it, I mean from waking up in the morning to even what could happen in your dreams nothings certain and yet all that we search for is control .
Iv been reading this book Shogun, by James Caverell . I took it up cos of Kill Bill II , its really cool , the movie but then the books even cooler. Noww one whos not paid attention to Kill Bill might ask me how r the two related except for maybe the Samurai Swords, but the truth is they are. The child , Uma thermans daughter lifes watching Shogun. Another movie that i remember showing it was in The body guard another beautiful movie.
The books great . Its so political with great consiperies and drama and yet everything is so simple. The life the fights the honor and the deaths. everything inside it is facinating a new work , a new adventure.
I recommend it to all
Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
A Reply to a question not asked yet.
Well not directly atleast.
As usual i Havnt had a conversation the heart to hearts that keep u going for a long time , for a matter of fact not event the barely decent ones. But then does everything need to be said or spoken , or for that matter of fact conveyed.
I guess the best way to deal with it is in written , and even though we try to be discrete and well matterof fact, things just come out. How heavily the disillusionment has broken u, how quick its come to an end. What good has come out of it and whats left behind.
Its kind of sad to seem men and women break into these fragile beings , untrusting and unconcious , half dead at times , because of living with too much fear. Animals but not in herds alone oh so alone, waiting looking hoping and then realising that its not worth realising. Thats what its all about isnt it.
Oh what great spirits , well not quite broken not at the surface atleast , you think that they would survive and then you realise that you were wrong , the surface might have just gotten scratched but inside the pains intense. When will it be over this pain , this loneliness.
Iv already met too many people who are in this state specially in recent times. I have seen too many breakoffs . and all have surviveds with pain in the heart , and for some in the butt.
I am not to sure about myself anymore about my loyalties and my ability to love but then one thing im sure off i am not afraid of it , of the pain and whatever it causes .
I feel some are not ment to exist in harmony but then that one moment could be a life time couldnt it. But then there could be somany moment that we pass through .
I still feel though that love should be like a Rock , immovable , undestructable anwell unperishable.
As usual i Havnt had a conversation the heart to hearts that keep u going for a long time , for a matter of fact not event the barely decent ones. But then does everything need to be said or spoken , or for that matter of fact conveyed.
I guess the best way to deal with it is in written , and even though we try to be discrete and well matterof fact, things just come out. How heavily the disillusionment has broken u, how quick its come to an end. What good has come out of it and whats left behind.
Its kind of sad to seem men and women break into these fragile beings , untrusting and unconcious , half dead at times , because of living with too much fear. Animals but not in herds alone oh so alone, waiting looking hoping and then realising that its not worth realising. Thats what its all about isnt it.
Oh what great spirits , well not quite broken not at the surface atleast , you think that they would survive and then you realise that you were wrong , the surface might have just gotten scratched but inside the pains intense. When will it be over this pain , this loneliness.
Iv already met too many people who are in this state specially in recent times. I have seen too many breakoffs . and all have surviveds with pain in the heart , and for some in the butt.
I am not to sure about myself anymore about my loyalties and my ability to love but then one thing im sure off i am not afraid of it , of the pain and whatever it causes .
I feel some are not ment to exist in harmony but then that one moment could be a life time couldnt it. But then there could be somany moment that we pass through .
I still feel though that love should be like a Rock , immovable , undestructable anwell unperishable.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
resilience
Crazy rush the past few days , with the Stupid T20s going on sleeping is a thing of the past. Yes there are still a few fans left , im not one of them im just stupidly addicted to cricket in general. I mean i remember even bloody watching the county matches. Anyways life continues and we battle it out like tru gladiators, the misdirected Auto , the completely hillarious insult, and in the middle of it all we play with Lacks and Lacks of money. You suddenly realise that when u end up giving discounts worth 92000 , man what a rush . To tell yopu the truth u feel like a choot but then i guess thats a part of it.
Lifes good otherwise filled with nothingness as usual but then the hopes there that one fine day i will wake and then ill have this golden path in front of me , which ill not miss.
I have been having this crazy conversation with my self about the resiliance of the Huiman Body as mine falls apart , maybe it wsa the human spirit which again is another story altogeather. Anyways this is a breif on what i think , we are so bloody adaptive i mean be ait a sardar living in Kerela or a mallu living o nthe moon which is very possible , well why go so far lets take me for an example a himachili living in Hyderabad , Ok agreed almost a metropolitan city but man u can see it so much not when ur here , i mean still the breakfast you get of the roads not wada pao or omelet bread , its plain wada and dosa adn idly and so on and so forth. And no matter how much they try to call it the Fulkas , chapatis and all of that end up having some strange oil on it. And then theres the culture pretty right in itself but i suddenly realised how different when i saw the shock o nthe face of a colleague when i winked at her. Man talk about it. And man talk about the attitude, i mean that of a simple bandi wala ( roadside shop on wheels) to bloody AVP of big software companies man its bloody uncouth ud think, but then slowly it sinks in thats the nawabi that the nawabs left behind. I mean in recent days iv had more threats of kidnappping than at any other time in my life. And people lie all the time pathalogical I think.
and yet im surviving , and theres no problem. The Biryanis wonderful, the Idlis might not be great but then the wadas and Mysore bhajjis are not bad, the culture might be different but yet it is nice at some level i mean when you go to someones house or just the simple conversations you have. The JNawabis left but then so is their Hospitality, and well some of them are really genuine. As for lies isnt it every where nowadays and how does it really matter if the other guiys slightly dellusional, atleast he has the balls to show it while he retains his sanity.
And thats how it goes no matter where we are we survive in fact we even thrive , thats the beauty of it all isnt it.
Lifes good otherwise filled with nothingness as usual but then the hopes there that one fine day i will wake and then ill have this golden path in front of me , which ill not miss.
I have been having this crazy conversation with my self about the resiliance of the Huiman Body as mine falls apart , maybe it wsa the human spirit which again is another story altogeather. Anyways this is a breif on what i think , we are so bloody adaptive i mean be ait a sardar living in Kerela or a mallu living o nthe moon which is very possible , well why go so far lets take me for an example a himachili living in Hyderabad , Ok agreed almost a metropolitan city but man u can see it so much not when ur here , i mean still the breakfast you get of the roads not wada pao or omelet bread , its plain wada and dosa adn idly and so on and so forth. And no matter how much they try to call it the Fulkas , chapatis and all of that end up having some strange oil on it. And then theres the culture pretty right in itself but i suddenly realised how different when i saw the shock o nthe face of a colleague when i winked at her. Man talk about it. And man talk about the attitude, i mean that of a simple bandi wala ( roadside shop on wheels) to bloody AVP of big software companies man its bloody uncouth ud think, but then slowly it sinks in thats the nawabi that the nawabs left behind. I mean in recent days iv had more threats of kidnappping than at any other time in my life. And people lie all the time pathalogical I think.
and yet im surviving , and theres no problem. The Biryanis wonderful, the Idlis might not be great but then the wadas and Mysore bhajjis are not bad, the culture might be different but yet it is nice at some level i mean when you go to someones house or just the simple conversations you have. The JNawabis left but then so is their Hospitality, and well some of them are really genuine. As for lies isnt it every where nowadays and how does it really matter if the other guiys slightly dellusional, atleast he has the balls to show it while he retains his sanity.
And thats how it goes no matter where we are we survive in fact we even thrive , thats the beauty of it all isnt it.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Just some gyaan
Well havent i been writing a lot in the recent past man its like these ideas flowing through my brain , agreed most of these have been stupid complaning and moaning .
If i was to criticize my own blog id say its bloody repitative and there seem to be these favourite words of mine which i just kep on repeating. Basically this whole activity began as a release for my creative energy , which now seems to have exhausted, so though im dry i still continue , hoping id produce magic one day .
Well i guess today might not be the day , but then thats human spirit isnt it never to give up to go through it all and to live to tell the tale.
I had this interesting conversation well a morsel of it in my starved solitary life with this girl in Hospital Admin , shes a fresher maybe bout 4 months in work and well she reminded me so much of wat it was like to be there at that time. Well its ajust a different me in a different time zone and tomorrow there would be another me in another time.
People say i have grown and i dont mean just in dimensional measures , but rather matured after this stint of mine , i think iv become more morose and less lively . I perceive the change but what drives the change is something that i havnt yet caught onto . And yet there are those who dont change at alll ( HAHAHAHA) I dont think theres anyopne like that actually i think alll of us chnge over periods and well its strange how things get slotted by themselves into the good the bad and the ugly .
If i was to criticize my own blog id say its bloody repitative and there seem to be these favourite words of mine which i just kep on repeating. Basically this whole activity began as a release for my creative energy , which now seems to have exhausted, so though im dry i still continue , hoping id produce magic one day .
Well i guess today might not be the day , but then thats human spirit isnt it never to give up to go through it all and to live to tell the tale.
I had this interesting conversation well a morsel of it in my starved solitary life with this girl in Hospital Admin , shes a fresher maybe bout 4 months in work and well she reminded me so much of wat it was like to be there at that time. Well its ajust a different me in a different time zone and tomorrow there would be another me in another time.
People say i have grown and i dont mean just in dimensional measures , but rather matured after this stint of mine , i think iv become more morose and less lively . I perceive the change but what drives the change is something that i havnt yet caught onto . And yet there are those who dont change at alll ( HAHAHAHA) I dont think theres anyopne like that actually i think alll of us chnge over periods and well its strange how things get slotted by themselves into the good the bad and the ugly .
Innocence
Lost in wilderness the days of yesterday , forgotten, forgiven , forsaken, damned and doomed to a today to a tomorrow, filled with sorrow.Yet we live on in innocence so pure that nothing will and could hatrm us u and me a one that will be like that forever and ever.This is an incomplete post it will be completed the day i am complete....
Feel my heart it's ever bleeding,through spear and thorns...I gave you pardon...Won't you take my hand..And hold it, as we fly away...I will be there if you called me now...I will run 'til I could run no more...I will hold you and renew your innocence...Won't you take My Love...And forever you will live again...Tell me, can you hear? the melody is in the air around me, showing me the only way...Tell me, if i go...Will you cry for me? But now I'm hungry for your love...tell me,Your face up in my mind...Who says that "love is blind"? your beauty caught me unaware...your smile carries me away...This lovely place reminds me of the first time I saw you...Take my hand and you will never repent...I'll take you to places never seen before...Dreams and reality can be together...life is too short, we can't wasted our time... I'm losing my mind....you make me loose my innocence... it was loving me...it was touching me... it was hurting me...And the future will say...I held you in my heart from days of paradise...you're my first thing every morning...Electrifying female...Take my hand...you make me loose my innocence.
Feel my heart it's ever bleeding,through spear and thorns...I gave you pardon...Won't you take my hand..And hold it, as we fly away...I will be there if you called me now...I will run 'til I could run no more...I will hold you and renew your innocence...Won't you take My Love...And forever you will live again...Tell me, can you hear? the melody is in the air around me, showing me the only way...Tell me, if i go...Will you cry for me? But now I'm hungry for your love...tell me,Your face up in my mind...Who says that "love is blind"? your beauty caught me unaware...your smile carries me away...This lovely place reminds me of the first time I saw you...Take my hand and you will never repent...I'll take you to places never seen before...Dreams and reality can be together...life is too short, we can't wasted our time... I'm losing my mind....you make me loose my innocence... it was loving me...it was touching me... it was hurting me...And the future will say...I held you in my heart from days of paradise...you're my first thing every morning...Electrifying female...Take my hand...you make me loose my innocence.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
People Places, Life what a blurr
Dont you feel sometimes your driving down this Highway real fast and the breaks dont really work , no matter whats new no matter whats happening you just pass through it all and all thats left is a blurr.
I rember the people i use to see , i remember them in small ways , things which just hit you once in a while . A smoke with a friend under the local tree with the freindly neighbourhood mutt wathing you as you blow smoke rings . Insane conversations and at times comfortable silences . Confessions and degressions , pure love and even purer hatered. man those were the good old days , when you actually stopped and saw the world.
It seems to be something out of the past , something that i still am aware off , everything else is a blurr. The past two and half years , maybe a bit before that or maybe my complete life there are only these small memmories which piece it all togeather .
Maybe its something particular to me , for example i know of many who know things in complete immaculate detail, as for me i just know it was done , how and when and where , with whom some questions that i dont really have answers too.
Maybe it was not that importan, mayb it wont be that importan, but then at some level i feel History is imoportant even if its filled with just minorities. I mean atleast it lets you know where you coming from.
I mean yes there was Manipal and ther was Mumbai , but then the freshness of it is not as strong as it should be. Was it not that important for me , am i still waiting for that most memorable event to happen .
Man a little confused here, people acan just rattle off thesestories from their past , these memories of when they were kids , i cant remember all of those . The blurr returns adn nothing really matters .
Can you actually beleive this living in the moment and well the pasts a complete blurr of pfaces places and nothingness.
I rember the people i use to see , i remember them in small ways , things which just hit you once in a while . A smoke with a friend under the local tree with the freindly neighbourhood mutt wathing you as you blow smoke rings . Insane conversations and at times comfortable silences . Confessions and degressions , pure love and even purer hatered. man those were the good old days , when you actually stopped and saw the world.
It seems to be something out of the past , something that i still am aware off , everything else is a blurr. The past two and half years , maybe a bit before that or maybe my complete life there are only these small memmories which piece it all togeather .
Maybe its something particular to me , for example i know of many who know things in complete immaculate detail, as for me i just know it was done , how and when and where , with whom some questions that i dont really have answers too.
Maybe it was not that importan, mayb it wont be that importan, but then at some level i feel History is imoportant even if its filled with just minorities. I mean atleast it lets you know where you coming from.
I mean yes there was Manipal and ther was Mumbai , but then the freshness of it is not as strong as it should be. Was it not that important for me , am i still waiting for that most memorable event to happen .
Man a little confused here, people acan just rattle off thesestories from their past , these memories of when they were kids , i cant remember all of those . The blurr returns adn nothing really matters .
Can you actually beleive this living in the moment and well the pasts a complete blurr of pfaces places and nothingness.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
A hundred years
A hunder years and something longer, i dont quite remember the song but thats what is humming in my head , and thats how faraway i have been from this site. Walking in illusions in a dellusionally warped world where nothing is as it appears to be and nothing really is anything . Talk about abstract mann aint i the king.
I was pulled towards writing in fact i did write something on the misery of the world , another bomblast and life resumes as it is , as itn was always meant to be. When i think bout it it is that way though individually we may get broken down but as a whole humans are pretty resilient no wonder we rule the world , or atleast thats what we think.
Anyways, what all has passsed in the period that is now a blurr, well i guess ill put in the things that i wanted to write at some level at some time , a fragile relationship becoming even more delicate , freindship i loose faith in you every day , infedility breaks in and takes over all the troops and they laugh about it and justify it all the same forgetting what is meant to be . Sitting there and wondering how the next generations going down the drain and well never really realising how low we have become. A patient riding on the wagon of trust till hes kicked off because ur back hurts from having bent over backwards. A last attemp at reconciling with god , with faith , reistablishing a trust in a relationship and you learn you knew it better before. Some more questions , some more answers , and the days done
So here we start a new with boosted egos which swell up like boils at every little insult. Bruised and hurting and we dont even realise if we hadnt fed it so much, it wouldnt have been such an easy target to hit
So thats a lesson learnt my friend and something to be remembered, till we meet again , oh hell what what i writing bout this amnesias killing me .
I was pulled towards writing in fact i did write something on the misery of the world , another bomblast and life resumes as it is , as itn was always meant to be. When i think bout it it is that way though individually we may get broken down but as a whole humans are pretty resilient no wonder we rule the world , or atleast thats what we think.
Anyways, what all has passsed in the period that is now a blurr, well i guess ill put in the things that i wanted to write at some level at some time , a fragile relationship becoming even more delicate , freindship i loose faith in you every day , infedility breaks in and takes over all the troops and they laugh about it and justify it all the same forgetting what is meant to be . Sitting there and wondering how the next generations going down the drain and well never really realising how low we have become. A patient riding on the wagon of trust till hes kicked off because ur back hurts from having bent over backwards. A last attemp at reconciling with god , with faith , reistablishing a trust in a relationship and you learn you knew it better before. Some more questions , some more answers , and the days done
So here we start a new with boosted egos which swell up like boils at every little insult. Bruised and hurting and we dont even realise if we hadnt fed it so much, it wouldnt have been such an easy target to hit
So thats a lesson learnt my friend and something to be remembered, till we meet again , oh hell what what i writing bout this amnesias killing me .
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