Well I write here in my complete senses, rather a bit of numbness is coming over , as i have been raving about it, I am all set to give my GMAt tomorrow, and to score the promised 650 plus score. Alas however this seems to be an abandoned hope now.
After bout two months of preperation , well putting in a bit extra work didnt slog but did work, i feel that now it is in my fait that i will not give my exam tomorrow, and also that i wont get admission into any Business school this fall, and all of this because of my stupidity .
I write this blog controlling this urge to shout and to get angry with the world, with the cicumstances , with my stupidity. But I think ill let it go this time. Ill blame fate for it and walk out on life , everytime i have done something or rather tried doing something to go abroad it has failed. Its not in desperation that i write this but rather in anger. First it was the cpmc or HPC wathever the shit , i was fast to act and well i paid for it , the board name changed and i got screwed in the middle. and now its the stupid GMAT, I was slow on the uptake and well I probably will fail at this too.
You see i dont have my passport with me right now, neither do i have a photostate of it. So in effect i dont have the valid proof required. To add to these circumstances my parents are sitting in Europe , so even if on an urgent basis i was to request for a fax to be sent, its not possible, my parents from here leave to America and basically im royally fucked for the next two months.
What does all of this do to me, it makes me stronger they say , well im not to sure maybe it does. It makes me wanna prepare better , to choose the Bschools I want to go to , to live live like a fool for a bit and then to give the gmat again in another two months , bye bye Fall admissions.
It hurts , though i wasnt prepared in terms of the surity that the people who really want to get there have , infact i was a bit hesitant bout the schools not certain where i stood a chance, but sometimes u need to take a risk , and well i think thats what lifes trying to teach me over the past one year , i was trying god this was a risk for me. But any ways i think i have become a bit harder, i have learnt how to accept it better.
So my POA for tomorrow, to walk over to the place ask them to take me in show them my other IDs and well if it works lifes back to the same struggle of looking for Bschools and meeting deadlines. If it dosent work then i have to accept that it didnt work and try to move on , i think i will still look for the Bschools and them maybe travell to get my transcripts , after two months sit for the stupid GMAT score a 750 this time and then move on to the Spring session.
Lord please make note its takes more than that to break me and yes it does make me stronger , but then dont overdo it OK .
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