Why I Exist

The Question is not how I Exist it is why I Exist, it’s a nice Sunday morning not to sunny and I sit at my table (borrowed) sipping a nice cup of tea. The hangover from yesterday completely clouds my memory of an evening well spent. The women were pretty and as for me I don’t really remember.


I hate it when I cant remember things from the night before and that’s why the morning is like this. I sit here planning my Sunday and all I can think of is sleep, which of course won’t come. My Gmat’s coming close and the party scene has just begun, too many nights out and too many days of drunken stupor.


On days like today after a well earned hangover I always wonder where I am going. I don’t really know maybe too much of alcohol and a hangover make me introspective. But the truth is I really get pissed with my present status. I mean working away from home, living like an outcast and working like a dog all these things make me want to throw up now. I want to move into richer quarters closer to home , but what I have planned for is moving out of the country completely.


Ill tell u a truth that not many people know, im not to sure, im not to confident, im a little shackled by my inhibitions. I don’t even know if I want to be out of India, if I want to experience a different culture, if I can study again, if ill succeed.

Ok so let’s look at my goals –

To go to America and do an MBA (this fluctuates to other countries at times), and sometimes I really think I wont achieve it and its on the top of my priorities as I feel I can accomplish my other goals through this.

2nd Goal to become rich – this ones such an uncertain goal for example I was rich yesterday as for today im poor and tomorrow god knows , u get the drift there is a goal but no action plan , I guess ill rob a bank . But then lets not give this too much thought all I know is I want to be rich, rich enough to take my parents on a World tour,to buy a car, to drink my kind of beer in my kind of places and also to visit my friends when I feel like it.

3rd to be with my parents enough of independence I want now to be close to my parents . To be scolded by them in person not the way I am now, not a bloody mongrel I n a different city, I want to be the top dog in my city , ya sadly enough im not to sure which city that is. And more importantly it’s a city where my parents will be with me.

4th I want to be in love. I feel that without love u r incomplete, empty and well all the half filled things that’s possible. Its very important for me to be in love with someone, and she reciprocating my love in her ways. I feel that at 27 I should have done something about it but then there’s nothing happening im meeting boring people, im getting too drunk too often and im basically wasting a lifetime.


5th I want to learn something new everyday , at work, in life , a sentence, a word, a process, an idea, a game, a joke a limitation ,an ability. This I feel is something that’s not happening at all I want to learn life and it just wont happen because people are to busy doing today what they did yesterday, even me I had a drink yesterday so ill do it today, and the same for work , I am not living my work im existing in it. I will do loads of new kinds of work but in the end they are all repetitions of what I did yesterday.

6th I want to become fit, not good looking or some super-cool dude, all I want from life is a certain level of fitness, the ability to run a Half marathon , doesn’t matter where im placed by the end of it. The ability to dance Salsa in the middle of the night and not even feel a bit of it going through me. The ability to go on a hike, Mountain climbing, scuba dive, swim. Now there’s nothing in me which prevents me from doing it , but im not doing it, too pushed for time, to lazy for it too .

Last but not the least I want to quit Smoking, its killing me , I know that but every time I think about it all I want to do is light a cigarette and think about it.

I agree u don’t have to be Einstein to know where u going but then u need to give it a thought once in a while, at least as fore me I suck at it. But now that I have this on well a computer screen ( in olden days it would be in black and white or on a piece of paper) and now that u who read my blog know about it I think there might be some motivation .

Oh shit by the way my last wish to learn how to slow dance, the walts, the foxtrot, balls to the salsas, that’s all I need. Well not really id like to learn how to dance.

So resolutions set well before new-year, its time that I start the action.

Love u all and a Merry Christmas to u all and a glorious New Year.

(Any free ladies call me remember goal number 4).