realisation

Huston we have a problem , over the past three odd days of my existence i feel myself cornered in a place that i dont really look forward to being at. It is kind of strange because the person who is cornering me into this place is me, and its just that the realisation of it is hitting me a little slow.

Ok as for the imaginative bit i think i did a really good job on the last post of mine leaving the canvas blank for so long so that every one else could fill it up with the colors of their imagination.

Coming back to reality , I have to state that i am really Alone and also that i dont really like it , and lastly i think i am dependent on it. Over the past three years I think i have exchanged that little semblance of Humanity which was left in my heart in favour of acquiring self dependence . The necessity of the concept of having every thing within oneself led me to distance myself from most of my friends , three people remained standing , who i was not dependant on but whos company i somehow tolerated , they have left now all three of them and i suddenly find myself in the midst of life struggeling to make new ones.

Flashback , it all began with life in hyd , the interdependance o n fairly unimpressive colleagues , who could let you down at the fall of a needle, inability to really understand most people around, refuge in self, change in behaviour -present situation. Its clear isnt it , i remember creating that funda on the terrace of my old apartment and now i can see myself alone o n that terrace , and believe me its not as great as it looked.


Where to next god knows atleast i know something now. The fundas still realy cool and i think i still believe in it but i think anything when taken to an extreme is fanatism , so hell lets just water it down a bit , but then i think meeting interesting people is still a big problem.