And I Wonder

Hello i tried clearing some of the mess in my life today , but to tell you the truth it dosent really help i feel even more messed . I tried getting in touch with peope who have to do my work, it didnt work out they all keep me on hold.I guess i have become similar too unless i get calls a few times i dont really move into action either. Strange wat you give out comes back doubled. And i wonder wat have i done.

OK this is just the beginig of another hopeless day actually they are strangely interesting , to be tied down to work but i somehow reach here every day i think it signifies my need to connect even if to the bloody web. Or maybe its the need to be heard. i wonder what i need.

This post too is a strange post it goes very well with the strange alientation that i feel with my emotions , frustrations, love hope and life. I feel as if i was just a passive observer or is it that i wish for that, or is it that i just imagine it. And i wonder.

Im wishing for miracles all the time but stragely eough not being able to make any miracles happen. It was this strange fear that i was so afraid of , and well its almost here. This was wat i wanted never to happen , that feeling of dread rises once in a while specially in the mornings to wake me up, and i get scared. its not a challenge anymore , its a challenge if its your own, but what happens if the ownership is gone before it even belongs to you. That feeling died not because of the monetary reasons but rather because of certain conversations with certain individuals. And I wonder how it could have been


Lifes filled with decisions, decisions to fight on, decisions to give up, decisions to choose a different path, decisions to exist decisions to live and finally the decision to die. And i wonder wat is mine. . .